What The New Year Is Bringing

At the beginning of every year, everyone is making New Year's resolutions. Why? Because when the fireworks explode and people around the globe cheer at 12:00 AM on January 1st, we feel like we have another chance to a fresh start. Today is February 18th, and I feel like I'm off to a pretty good start. 

One year ago tomorrow, my heart was broken for the first time. My loving, amazing Grandpa passed away. I didn't know what to think or what to feel. I had written about heart break and tragedies in my novels, imagining what it would be like. But, I didn't really feel it until I heard those words from my Father that morning, "Pepaw went to be with The Lord last night." 

So many sleepless nights filled with tears, so many hugs from people I didn't know saying, "I'm so sorry. He loved you so much." So many days filled with confusion and bitterness. Why, God? Why would you do this? I would start to cry wherever I went. He was gone. He wouldn't be there to tease me anymore, or tell me funny stories, or make me laugh. Sorrow changes people. sometimes it makes us become bitter and angry towards God. But, other times it causes us to draw near to Him, to run into his arms for comfort.

It wasn't until a few months ago I realized something. We have no right to tell God what is and isn't fair. We don't have the right to question his authority or curse his Will. We are to trust and obey.

"Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

Tell me, if you have understanding."

I may not know now why The Lord took my Pepaw away from us. But, I do trust Him. I believe with all my heart that as soon as I take my last breath on this earth, I will join him in Heaven to worship our Lord forever and ever.

But, before that happens, its time for me to leave a positive mark on the World. I didn't really think about that after Pepaw died. Sugar and junk food seemed like a good remedy for my grief. But, all it did was worsen it and make me feel bloated. The numbers on the scale slowly started to slip upward and I just was an emotional mess.

It was a constant battle for me to stay healthy and workout. I went through ups and downs of going a whole month eating great, to eating chocolate muffins for breakfast and huge amounts of goldfish for a snack. I was absolutely sick of it. I even went to the extreme of almost eating nothing for a whole day. That only made it worse.

"I'm so sick of my body!" I would cry as I looked at my miserable self in the mirror. It wasn't even until late December it started to get easier. I stopped counting calories. It only reminds me that I can't eat as much as I used to if I wanted to lose weight.

Then, I began to read more into skin care as well as health care.

Instead of piled up with lotions I never used, my bathroom cabinets began to fill up with coconut oil, honey, olive oil, and apple cider Vinegar. My bookshelf turned into a "health shelf" as essential oils, Epsom salt, and other natural skin care things started filling it up. I stopped wearing makeup which caused me to grow more confident in my appearance and enjoy the way I look.

Then, late into January, I discovered something. I liked being healthy! I enjoyed making healthy meals, natural conditioner, and detox baths. I felt so much better when I went a whole day eating healthy food than when I ate three slices of pizza and a few cookies for dinner. 

Then, I could see it. I could see a future lifestyle of living organic and healthy, of having a garden and house plants, of making my own dishes, running 5ks, and growing healthier in my spiritual life as well. That's what I want. I want that healthy life style.

So, this year, that is what I am going to do. I am going to strive to be fit, healthy, happy, and closer to The Lord.