This is The Face Of A Girl Who Had NO Sleep Last Night

s/o to makeup for making me look not so ghostly and purple hair dye for disguising the greasiness of my hair and filters to cover the puffy eye bags

Hello my friends. I feel like it's been a while. I've wandered off in my own little world. There's a few things that have been on my mind, especially last night since sleep just wouldn't come. 

While the long night last night went on and on and I ran out of things to do, I started this book I got from my Pastor after graduating called, "Don't Waste Your Life." I had rolled my eyes dramatically and for the laughs as I received the book in front of the whole church while the other graduates received books on how to remain strong in your faith during college.

Yeah, I'm not going to college. But, that's a whole other subject and that's not what I'm here for today. Back to the book. I stored it away, thinking I'll just read it when I have time or later. Well, these past few months since graduation have been so hard. I went through a dark time of depression and hopelessness, and my days were filled with blank stares and hours of nothing. Nothing I used to do brought me joy. So, why do them? This was my attitude then, and it wasn't right.

This book made me realize something: I've lost six months of precious time. Yes, I have been mourning and working through the grieving process. But, there's so many hours I wasted on Youtube watching useless after useless video or scrolling through Instagram or sitting alone in my room or sleeping in till 11. I couldn't sleep after just reading the first few pages. It opened my eyes.

I only have one life before I'm gone from this world forever and all that's left of me here is what I've left behind. What will the things I've left behind say about me? I don't want it to be 1K followers on Instagram with hundreds of fake photos, or a Youtube history filled with useless and pointless videos. I want people to live and breathe the passions and emotions I felt through my writing and art. I want these things to connect with them, to make them feel loved. I want everyone who reads my blog, my books, and sees my art to know the person I was. A godly, loving, and real person.

I don't have time to live in a cardboard cut out life the world expects me to fit into. I want to live my life, not a life in my screen. I want to live my dreams and passions. I live to create and create for my creator.

I leave you with this question: What will the things you leave behind say about you?